25 of the funniest CV excerpts… and they are real!!

Ok, so it’s not the first time we have blogged about CV’s and usually it is about what to and what not to do to make it stand out!  Well having stumbled across this article online, there are clearly many people who haven’t read them!!!

Below are 25 of the funniest faux pas’ that have appeared on “real” peoples CV’s, spelling mistakes the lot!  This is not a joke, these people are out there and they want to work with you!

HOBBIES – “Horse rideing, like going pub when haven’t got my kids.looking after kids and doing stuff with them when they anit at school.”

ACHIEVEMENTS – “Being sober”

ABOUT ME – “My favourite colour is Toupe, cos it rhymes with Dope”

REASON FOR LEAVING – “It was hard work”

PERSONAL PROFILE – “I be no stranger to double-entry. I loves numbers, and my wife and I loves journals and ledgers! Can also do tricky sums when I puts my mind to it. Computor litrate.”

PERSONAL PROFILE – “I do have convictions (drug offences) which are spent some 30 years ago for when I was 16-18 and have a caution for 4 years ago for criminal damage”

KEY SKILLS – “Perfectionist with a keen I for details.”

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY –  “Whilst working in this role, I had intercourse with a variety of people”

KEY SKILLS: “I would like to assure you that I am a hardly working person.”

HOBBIES –  “enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians”

JOB HISTORY – “Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse”

SKILLS – “Speak English and Spinach.”

SKILLS – “I have technical skills that will simply take your breath away.”

SKILLS – “I can type without looking at thekeyboard.”

JOB HISTORY – “Left last four jobs only because the managers were completely unreasonable”

SKILLS – “I am a rabid typist”

COVERING LETTER – “I am extremely loyal to my current employer….Feel free to ring my office if you are interested in my CV”

EDUCATION – “I am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success.”

HOBBIES: “donating blood – 12 litres so far.”

KEY ACHIEVEMENTS – “Oversight of entire department.”

KEY SKILLS – “I have extensive experience with foreign accents.”

QUALIFICATIONS – “Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”

COVER LETTER – “Please disregard the attached CV; it’s totally outdated”

KEY SKILLS – “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

HOBBIES – “painting my toenails in varying colours”

Please, please do not be like these people.  If you need help to create a ‘stand-out’ CV, why not download our CV template pack and get noticed for the right reason!

CV template pack

 

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