What the hell is confidence? And do you actually have it?

So let’s talk about what confidence is… And before you say “I’m not a confident person”… Don’t! Because everyone is confident at their core. Good news for you! But how do you help your deep seeded confidence surface?

Confidence is not about being the loudest, craziest, most opinionated person in the room…Confidence is about knowing who you are and being happy with it. And yes it also helps to be a little self-assured and to speak with some conviction.

If you stop and think about it, you are probably more than happy with who you are… however my guess is that you don’t think about how great you are too often because you’re too busy caring about what other people think of you?

I guarantee that the people you look up to don’t care too much about what anyone else thinks of them personally.

They know who they are and they accept their flaws. They own their wins but equally accept responsibility for their failures. All in all, they are at peace with themselves…all of the good and all of the bad. ‘These people’ always stand for something whether it is a view, a belief, a goal or mission. They put their insecurities aside and focus on the things that matter to them, so much so that they don’t see any negativity being projected towards them. This is what helps them stand tall and as a result instils their personal confidence.

On the other end of the spectrum you have people who lack confidence (unnecessarily might I add). ‘These people’ do know what they think, believe in and want from life but focus too much on whether other people think it’s right or wrong. WHO CARES! You have to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything! And if your going to stand for something, don’t do it half heartedly… this will contribute to a lack of self confidence.

Just because someone is loud and ‘out there’ doesn’t mean they are confident. If these extroverts are not really happy or comfortable deep down within themselves, then what they are projecting is a ‘front’ of confidence not real confidence.

So strive for real confidence and start to project how happy you are with YOU. Saying “who cares” out loud is a really good start…go on…right now…DO IT! Say it out loud while you’re reading this…Say it with me… “Who cares”. If you just said that out loud in a place where people could hear you…good on you! I wonder what they are thinking? Actually, who cares?

Every situation you are in from here on out, whenever you think about what someone else might be thinking of you, stop. Tell yourself “who cares” and just give yourself a friendly reminder that you are really good at what you do, you’re a good person and lots of people like you… and the people you’re about to speak to are going to like you as well. And if they don’t… who cares. As long as you like you then your confidence is in fact intact. Know it. Feel it.

If you want to learn how to project your confidence, that’s another blog. But for now I’ll leave you with these tips on how to instantly appear more confident.

Use people’s names when you address/ speak to them

Speak with your hands (practice this in a mirror to ensure you don’t look like you are trying to do an interpretive dance)

Sit up tall and don’t drop your head… your voice gets lost when you do this

Give people eye contact (make sure you smile though, otherwise it’s creepy)

– Emily Marshall, The HR Revolution Blogger

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