OMG What were they thinking! CV don’ts at their best…

This blog posted recently was so funny, we just had to share it!

When it comes to selling yourself on your CV most people have got it sussed as to what a potential employer would want to read, but there are clearly those out there that just don’t have a clue! Below are just a few of the funniest faux pas’ that appeared on “real peoples” cv’s, spelling mistakes the lot! It is not a joke, these people want to work with you!

ACHIEVEMENTS  – “I came first in the school long distance race”

HOBBIES – “Horse rideing,like going pub when havent got my kids.looking after kids and doing stuff with them when they anit at school.”

ACHIEVEMENTS – “Being sober”

ABOUT ME – “My favourite colour is Toupe, cos it rhymes with Dope”

REASON FOR LEAVING – “It was hard work”

PERSONAL PROFILE – “I be no stranger to double-entry. I loves numbers, and my wife and I loves journals and ledgers! Can also do tricky sums when I puts my mind to it. Computor litrate.”

PERSONAL PROFILE – “I do have convictions (drug offences) which are spent some 30 years ago for when I was 16-18 and have a caution for 4 years ago for criminal damage”

KEY SKILLS – “Perfectionist with a keen I for details.”

HOBBIES – “Space Travel”

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY –  “Whilst working in this role, I had intercourse with a variety of people”

KEY SKILLS: “I would like to assure you that I am a hardly working person.”

HOBBIES –  “enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians”

JOB HISTORY – “Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse”

SIZE OF EMPLOYER: “Very tall, probably over 6’5″.”

SKILLS – “Speak English and Spinach.”

SKILLS – “I have technical skills that will simply take your breath away.”

PRINTED CV – Candidate sent over their CV printed on the back of their current employers headed company paper

SKILLS – “I can type without looking at thekeyboard.”

JOB HISTORY – “Left last four jobs only because the managers were completely unreasonable”

SKILLS – “I am a rabid typist”

HOBBIES – “My interests include cooking dogs and interesting people”

COVERING LETTER – “I am extremely loyal to my current employer….Feel free to ring my office if you are interested in my CV”

KEY ACHIEVEMENTS – “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

EDUCATION – “I am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success.”

HOBBIES: “donating blood – 12 litres so far.”

KEY ACHIEVEMENTS – “Oversight of entire department.”

KEY SKILLS – “I have extensive experience with foreign accents.”

QUALIFICATIONS – “Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”

COVER LETTER – “Please disregard the attached CV; it’s totally outdated”

REASON FOR LEAVING – “After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work.”

KEY SKILLS – “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

HOBBIES – “painting my toenails in varying colours”

That wasn’t even half of the original list… how many of these people are out there!

Thank you for the chuckle.

If you require any help with your CV get in touch and don’t end up on a blog!

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